Super Bowl Brings Out The Stiffs

There almost wasn't enough time to watch the game. There were so many stiffs to look at, categorize and attempt to make some sense of. Let's start at the beginning:

1. Christina Aguilera, who admits to having sung the National Anthem since she was 7 years old, butchered the lyrics, repeated the lyrics, changed a few words such as "gleaming" to " reaming", and in general set an all new low standard for performances. She was so worried about free-lancing a song that should never be free-lanced, so made a fool of herself in front of tens of million fans. Her performance bordered closely to the Roseanne Barr debacle years ago.

2. Deion Sanders, who as usual, thinks it's always about him. His fellow inductees were all dressed beautifully, very proper and low key, while Neon Deion lived up to his nickname, looking for all to see as if he were trying to pimp out the blonde bombshell butcher of the anthem.

3. Troy Aikman, who seemed disinterested at best and lethargic at best, during his pre-game, in-game and post-game conversations. He showed no animation whatsoever, referring to players as "he" and "him" and the teams as " they". Did he even know who was playing?

4. Joe Buck, who I actually felt sorry for all the years he did baseball with that senile fragment of a player, Tim McCarver, who stumbled and stuttered through every inning, now messing up names and dates and places all on his own, misreading cue cards, and in general seeming very uncomfortable in front of the cameras.

5. Finally we get to the game. Troy Polamalu needed to spend more time reading the scouting report and less time making hair commercials for that useless doo he piles into his helmet. He was two steps late on every coverage, misread several coverages, and just seemed to constantly stare at the big board after every play to see how bad it all was.

6. Big Ben Wanna Come Into My Stall Roethlisberger gets the ultimate stiff of the week. Beleive it or not, it isn't for his poor performance, the two INTS, the overthrows and more overthrows. No, it's not for any of that. Anyone can have a bad game. Heck, he's had two in a row where his QB rating barely reaches his age. No, it's for his newfound habit of calling out his teammates on the field. He has learned from Peyton Manning very well. Every time he missed a pass, not some of the time - every time, the camera showed him pointing down the field and gesturing in all directions to his receivers, as if to say " You ran the wrong route ". That is Manning's calling card, but Ben is getting good at it. He's calling out Hines Ward - are you serious? I think after 13 years, Hines knows the routes to run. Roethlisberger was forthcoming after the game, but it's too late Mr. Bathroom Date-in-Waiting. You messed up bigtime and you kept pointing at your teammates. That's bush league, buddy. You are not Tom Brady, you are not Peyton Manning, you are not Joe Montana. You are lucky to be where you are. Your defense and running backs won you one Super Bowl ring where you barely showed up. They also won the game getting you into Superbowl XLV. You had a 36QB rating 2 weeks ago....36....... closer to 0 than respectibility. Your diehard fans just keep looking past all of your nonsense, because you have a black and gold jersey on. They're loyal, but you don't deserve them.

7. Bad but not least - Kurt Menofe - when they came back to do a Superbowl recap, he looked like the deer in the headlights. He seemed shocked that they wanted him to speak and he stumbled through a few lines until he finally just signed off to Glee.

8. Jerry Jones - $1.2B for this place, Jerry - really?....really?... PA system failure....temporary seats not safe enough for 400 paying customers so they couldn't sit down at $2000 per seat they paid....snow falling off the roof and injuring workers...really? Jerry, really?..... did you use the Metrodome as a model? I'm surprised you weren't on the field trying to get some face time as you always do.

9. How about those $60 pizzas? Good?????

10. A-Rod can't stay away from bad press,eh? The camera just loves to show what a fool he is. His 40+ year old honey of the month is feeding him popcorn. He's laying back like the male? version of Cleopatra, minus the grapes. And he wonders why people think he is such a fool.

11. John Madden - texting????? - really John?????? - do you know how to text or were you just calling luxury box service for another hoagie or two?

12. Someone wake up John Travolta and tell him there's a game going on...John!!!!!...wake up John!!!! He thought it was a Scientology Convention I bet.

13. George W. Bush and Ms. Laura - how cute they were, sitting with that frozen grin on their faces. Did GW think it was a Texas Rangers game?...wrong sport W.....

14. Frank Caliendo - why are you imitating Barkley? - that is so yesterday and half the people watching the FOOTBALL game didn't know who Sir Charles was.....what was that about?

It was a very forgettable Superbowl, but I know one in the future that will be more forgettable. Superbowl XLVIII will be in the Meadowlands at New Giants/Jets whatever the freak the name is Stadium. It will be in February, 75 inches of snow on the ground, snowing during the game, 7 degrees below zero with 40 mph winds and Howie Long will be sitting there with a light sweater and plastic hair talking about real football and this is how it should be . Ask the 2,000 people in the stands how they're feeling......

When does baseball start? Soon, I hope !!!!!!!

Algie Crumpler is a STIFF!!!

Algie drops the touchdown pass in the first quarter. Pats would have been up 7-0 early.

They settle for a field goal.

Where was Hernandez? Where were the Gronkowski and Hernandez two tight end formations?

Why was Crumpler even in the game?

He is old, overweight and rusty from barely even playing this year. He caught 1 TD ALL YEAR!

Thanks for coming Algie but you are past your prime. Retire and go soak up some sun somewhere.

Tahiti sounds nice...

Mike McCarthy is THE STIFF, Not Matt Flynn

As a New England Patriots fan, nothing was more enjoyable than watching the Green Bay Packers final drive of the game on Sunday fall flat on its face.

But unlike the rest of the sports world, I don't fault the Packers backup quarterback Matt Flynn for the embarrassing last play of the game on a potential game winning drive.

Everyone seems to think that with 20 seconds left, Flynn should have been able to receive the play from McCarthy and then execute a game winning touchdown pass.

Well not me.

It was obvious the play took too long to come in and Flynn took too long directing traffic before snapping the ball.

But let's be serious. This is the NFL. Coaches are supposed to be prepared. That's right, I say McCarthy blew the game.

If that was Bellichick with the game on the line and a backup quarterback taking the snaps - do you honestly think he wouldn't have been prepared.

4 days earlier in practice he would have been practicing the 2 minute drill with very simple plays, and very simply named plays at that, ready to go.

If the tables were turned on that last play, Bellichick would have simply said something like "dog' or "rabbit" or whatever and everyone on the field, including the backup quarterback, would have known their assignment. Bellichick would have dumbed it down so there was no room for error.

But what does McCarthy do? He goes to his playbook and calls something that Matt Flynn probably had never executed, never mind practiced. You could see it on the field. No one knew the call and Flynn was pushing people left and right trying to just get A PLAY run.

I mean how do you just not have a go to play in that situation? With an unexperienced backup quarterback you just have to have a simple play ready. Who cares if you use it 6 times in the same game. It is your responsibility as a coach to manage the game for a guy with no experience.

So where was McCarthy's "dog" or "rabbit" play? What was he thinking? Was "X-45, Z, 2, Out" the play to call with the clock ticking, the crowd yelling and the game on the line?

Nope.

For your epic FAIL - Mike McCarthy, you are THE STIFF OF THE WEEK.

I've been waiting to write this one

Today's Stiff of the Week is well known to Boston Red Sox fans everywhere. He is caustic, boorish, pompous, arrogant, self-centered, self-righteous and above all, contemptuous. Let's have a hearty chorus of boos for Brian Cashman, Yankees GM, who just experienced one of the biggest OOPS moments ever. He let Cliff Lee slip through his hands and now that left-handed Boston lineup doesn't have to worry about 3 or 4 starts from Lee against them.

The truly pitiable part of all this is that Brian Cashman cannot understand why Cliff Lee signed with a bunch of bums such as the Phillies. How could he not yearn for pinstripes? Who wouldn't want to play with A-Fraud, besides most of baseball? Why wouldn't he want a 900 sq. ft apartment in Manhattan for only $35,000/month + utilities? Why wouldn't he want a state tax on his income of about $17.5 mil from the proposed contract? Why wouldn't he want to play in one of the most crowded and ugly parts of any city in the country?

Brian fails to see that Cliff cares about people, places AND last of all, things. He liked Philly. He liked the people there and they liked him. He had his own devoted fans. He doesn't need any more Joe six-packers or corporate honchos hanging all over him. He wants to win and with that rotation, he will win. Brian's team is older and slower and more tedious and plodding than ever. Did i mention slower? Pettitte's arm will soon fall off or collapse from age. CC is just one pizza away from a total explosion where he won't be able to pick up the rosin bag, Posada is Jason Varitek and the sox aren't planning to use him. AJ Burnett - oh, nevermind - I can't write about him - it's just too funny and pathetic. He is clearly the worst #3 starter in baseball and the Yankees only paid him $18mil per year for what seems to them now like forever.
Cashman could not produce a winner with a $235m payroll in 2010. Now what, Bri? Let's face it. you thought that the name " NY YANKEES" would be enough to have Cliff begging to come there. Guess what, Buddy? Wrong again !!!!

You offered him 7 years and $175m and he said "NO". What does that say about how his feelings for the Big Apple, Hank S. and all the other clowns there? It says - you're not as wonderful as you think. Come down off that high horse. You were lucky to get your other mercenaries in the past, although many of them are total busts as well ( see- AJ Burnett ).
I can't wait for 2011. Unless CC is in shape and pitching every other day, you've got a big problem, pal. I know, you have Phil Hughes and Joba the mutt. Good for you!!! Let's go with them, OK?

Yankee fans are soooooo forgiving. some are already calling for your head. Nice place to work there, isn't it Brian? Good luck to you in 2011. I know a nice Subway franchise in queens that will hire you, as long as you don't let the sandwiches slip through your fingers as well.

Wah Wah Wah Anaheim Angels

Tom Hanks said it best when he said " There's no crying in baseball!" . The California Angels of Anaheim need to take a lesson from that. For the past 18 hours, they have been crying that the Boston Red Sox stole Carl Crawford away from them. I don't remember Carl saying that he wanted to go to Boston over Anaheim ( a no brainer, though ) or that he wanted to go anywhere. Carl was on the "open" market, up for the highest bidder. The Angels chose to give him a less lucrative offer and for fewer years, so he's now headed to Boston.

Torii Hunter even came out today and said that he wanted to play with Carl. Well, you should have ponied up some of your own cash there, Torii, and maybe he would have signed with your team. Of course, you could always ask to be traded to Boston and then you and Carl can be best buds on the Red Sox juggernaut for the next 6-7 years.

No one has the right to complain when they get outbid for the services of a player. The Red Sox are clearly going for it now this year and are not concerned about whether or not they make a profit for the 2011 season. Ego does that to people and it drives them to perhaps overpay for a player, so that they can keep interest high.

The Angels problem is the fan base. They show up for a game in the 3rd inning after having a few margaritas and a wheel of brie downtown, then they sit on their hands for most of the game, and leave after the 7th inning stretch, so that they can still make the buffet at Red Lobster.

Anaheim is not a baseball town. They don't deserve Carl Crawford or even Broderick Crawford ( remember him on highway Patrol? ). Joan Crawford lived nearby - so they should be happy with that.

The Angels had plenty of money to spend. After all, now they want Beltre and Soriano, neither of whom will come cheaply. But be careful, LA, you could easily lose them too if someone else throws in a few extra bats and gloves to the deal and you balk at making a move.

You are the stiff of the week - your ownership, your fan base and yes, even the city (ha-ha) of Anaheim. You have worries this year about Oakland and Seattle as well. Best of luck with that -see you on the way to the AL West basement.

Handy Randy ain't quite so dandy, Andy

So let's see, who is Randy moss "playing: for this week?

I believe that he was claimed off the scrap heap by Tennessee a few weeks ago and he actually made one catch in last week's game. That brings his season's total to somewhere south of 20 catches. Now he wants a long term mega-deal with some team. Randy must have flunked basic math class in school.

The equation is quite easy.

The more you produce, the more you earn. The less you produce, the less you earn. I think I have that correct.

Randy USED TO BE productive. Randy USED TO BE a deep threat. Randy USED to work on every down - well maybe not that one. After all, it's a long way to run down the field, come back and do it again a few times per game. Let's not be overcritical of the man now.

He will probably want to get paid now by CBS, Fox, etc. because he is now conducting his own press conferences. There's no need to send correspondents out there or news people to speak to him. He will ask the questions and answer them, without even doing voice changes. This must be worth something to the networks.

Randy also can make some money giving food tips to hotels and restaurants about what to serve, how to serve it and when to serve it. There's no need for any of those food service managers anymore. Just ask Randy.

He is certainly a jack of all trades- at least in his own mind. That's OK though, because that's where Randy Moss lives.

Randy, you are the stiff of the week.

As Randy would say... " I'm Out!"

Theo Theo Theo - what were you thinking????

Theo Epstein, boy genius, must have failed his college statistics classes. Stats don't lie buddy and you just cost the Red Sox 12.5 million dollars that you will never get production for. Here are the numbers you missed:

David Ortiz

2004-2006 240+ extra base hits
2008-2010 178 extra base hits

2004-2006 OPS around .400 each year
2008-2010 OPS around .325 each year

2004-2006 Consistent average at or above .300
2008-2010 Average plummets to BELOW .200 only comes back to .266

He is making more money than any full time DH on any roster for the 2011 season next year.

He hit .211 vs. left-handed pitchers this year with 2/3 of his strikeouts.

Moving the right field fence in 9 feet next year won't help him with his loss of bat speed through the hitting zone ( 15-17 mph slower than in his prime ), but it will help younger opposing lefties.... nice idea.

In April and May, he had the opportunity to drive in the tying or lead run after the 7th inning in 36 games. He did it exactly twice.

This is a horrible move since D.O. wanted long -term big contract, so besides being horrible, he will be disgruntled and the team does not have $12.5 mil to spend on " talent."